Becoming a Single Mom - A Timeline Through IUI
This is the journey to my soulmate. At no point in the process did I know what I was doing, but I always knew why. My experience through IUI could not have gone better. I am so blessed and feel immeasurably grateful.
I wanted to document each step of my journey, so that I could:
Fully process everything
One day be able to look back and reflect on it
Have a space for other women to learn about and/or relate to what I went through
First Doctor Appointment
What Happened
Internal Ultrasound (pictured) - My doctor was looking for egg follicles and probably other things. Look, I’m not a scientist or a doctor, I do spreadsheets. From what I understand, an egg follicle is a sac that contains an egg. She said she saw a lot of follicles which was a good sign!
Drew a lot of blood - part of the blood sample was to review my health and part was to send out for genetic testing (They test to see if you’re a carrier for 250+ genetic disorders. This is relevant because if I was a carrier for any genetic disorders, I’d want to pick a sperm donor who was not also a carrier for that disorder).
How I Felt
I felt overwhelmed with information. I took notes as best as I could and took videos of the appointments so I would have a record of what happened, but the process was brand new to me. I remember there were a lot of steps and I was just trying to keep it all straight. I went to the appointments alone - 1. I like to go to the doctor alone. 2. COVID - so it was up to me to keep track of everything.
I was also really worried that they wouldn’t be willing to work with me because I am plus-size even though I am in good health, worried that there would be something wrong reproductively that would prevent me from being able to get pregnant, and anxious because I was starting a major life change.
Hysterosalpingography (HSG)
What Happened
After a break in the process due to COVID reducing the number of these procedures the office could do, I picked back up in the spring. I had to have an HSG done: An X-ray of my fallopian tubes to ensure there are no blockages. They weren’t expecting to find any, but prior to the IUI, it made sense that they ruled this out. We didn’t want to try IUI and be unsuccessful only to find out this was a problem.
They said it might be a little uncomfortable, specifically cramping, so they have you take 800mg of ibuprofen ahead of time. I walked into what looked like an operating room. I laugh when I get nervous, so there I was giggling, mostly naked on a table, feet in stirrups, while a doctor, nurse, and a few med students stared into my undercarriage. They put dye through my fallopian tubes and there was a monitor where I could watch the x-ray taking place. They were able to determine there were no blockages. Then the nurse escorted me to the bathroom and said the dye may run out so I put on a pad and went about my day.
How I Felt
After feeling nervous at first, I felt relieved that they didn’t find any blockages. My only concern after this was I didn’t see any dye come out. For all I know I’m still walking around with the dye, like an octopus ready to shoot out ink at anytime.
Choosing A Sperm Donor
What Happened & How I Felt
It was time to pick the sperm donor. This process was difficult. Really, really difficult. At the beginning I didn’t even know how to pick. I went to the websites of the cryobanks that my doctor’s office recommended (Fairfax, California, Xytex, and Seattle) and started reviewing profiles, but I had no clue what I was looking for. Honestly, it felt like online dating - reviewing the guys’ profiles trying to find a match.
For most of the websites, unless you pay money, you can’t see the pictures or a lot of information. I chose a cryobank to start with, started paying money to view pictures, information, and started “favoriting” the donors that I liked. Part of the blood work was to determine if I was “CMV Positive” or “CMV Negative”. CMV is a virus that, if babies are born with, can cause long-term health issues. The goal was to avoid getting CMV which I could transfer to the baby. If I was positive, meaning I’d already had CMV, I could choose any donor. If I was negative, I could only choose a CMV negative donor. I’m CMV negative so that limited my options, which in theory was disappointing, but honestly, it only helped narrow down my choices.
As I was reviewing my options, I had underlying thoughts keep creeping up - “What if I don’t notice the perfect person or I’m missing something? How do I pick from the people I’ve favorited?” This led me to identifying criteria I wanted to measure each donor on and put in a spreadsheet.
By the time I was done, I felt really confident in my choices of donors (I had a list of Top 3) .
But a little over a year later as I write this, I’m laughing out loud at the criteria I selected. WTF is “Overall Vibe”?! Ugh, I hate myself, but whatever I’m still happy with the donor I chose.
Ovulation Test
What Happened
My doctor wanted to determine which day of my cycle I ovulate, so after my period was over I took at least one ovulation test each day until I got a positive one. As you can see, most days I took more than one due to some trial and error.
How I Felt
I remember feeling really worried each day thinking: What if I never ovulate?! Some days I would see a very faint second line and then the next day I’d expect it to be darker and it would seem even fainter. My mom had unexplained infertility (I was adopted). Because I was familiar with it, it was always in the back of my mind as a possibility.
Ovulation Test cont.
What Happened
A week-ish later I went in for a blood test to confirm I ovulated. My doctor said the at-home ovulation tests don’t work for a small percentage of women. Since donor sperm costs money, it was important to be really sure I ovulated so we wouldn’t waste a vial. The time stamp of the video I took said July 13th, but that seems like a long time so don’t quote me on that. Anyway, I ovulated!
Because of the ovulation test, I knew which day of my cycle I ovulated and the bloodwork confirmed it.
The next step was to decide when I wanted to actually do the IUI.
How I Felt
Once I received confirmation that I had ovulated, I was a little frozen. I knew having a baby was what I wanted but to actually decide that I’m gonna do something that completely changes the rest of my life is such a huge thing.
Ovulation Test For the IUI
What happened
I’d decided I was ready to move forward with the IUI. The next month I did the ovulation tests in preparation for the IUI.
I was at my parent’s house that day and I’d planned ahead and packed an ovulation test. Did my parents know I was using their bathroom to pee in a cup and then put the pee stick on their dresser while I waited for the results? No. Did I eventually tell them? Also no.
How I Felt
I’m actually so glad I was with my family when I got the positive test. I ran through the house excitedly singing “I’m ovulating! It’s timeee!”
Intrauterine Insemination
What Happened & How i felt
The next morning, I went into the doctor’s office for the IUI. I had the sperm shipped directly there the week prior, so it was ready to go.
I remember being really calm. At any given point in this process I was confident in my choice but still anxious because it’s such a huge life decision. Today, I felt less anxious and more excited.
I put on what I decided would be my lucky socks, and went into the office. I sat in the waiting room for awhile, maybe 45 minutes, because they have to thaw the sperm. Then they called me back and had me review the details of the vial (sperm donor number, my name, etc) and sign a form to authorize continuing the process. The procedure took less than 10 minutes, and then they have you lie on your back for 15 minutes. They don’t even come back to get you. They just tell you to leave after 15 minutes. Then you’re just out in the world like everything’s normal and you didn’t just change your life forever.
Two Week Wait
What Happened
Following the IUI began the two week wait - the two weeks between ovulation and when either a pregnancy test will detect a pregnancy or the next period starts
It takes two weeks for the embryo to implant into the wall of the uterus and for hCG (pregnancy hormone) levels to rise to a point that a pregnancy test will detect them.
How I Felt
These two weeks felt like two months. I remember paying attention to everything my body did, wondering if it was a sign of pregnancy.
I was very impatient and started taking pregnancy tests after 11 days rather than waiting the full 14 days. At 12 days, I got my first positive test but as you can see, I wasn’t quite convinced.
And Finally…
This process didn’t come about overnight. I started planning to become a single mom back in 2015 when I was 23. How I ended up here is a long story that I’ll tell someday, but I worked hard and remained focused on my 5 year (turned 6 year) plan. It all still feels so surreal. But now, here I am making our next 5 year plan as a family of 2!
