Pregnancy: The Beginning
What happened next after a successful IUI on my journey to become a single mom by choice
4 Weeks Pregnant
Shocked. That’s the best way I could describe finding out I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it worked. My doctor told me I had less than a 20% chance of becoming pregnant each IUI. I felt exhausted and I was experiencing mild cramping before I officially found out I was pregnant but I still couldn’t believe it.
The shock was followed closely by panic. I didn’t know how to be pregnant! I’d prepared to go through IUI, I planned to be a mom, but for some reason I forgot to learn about pregnancy. I really had to lean on my friends.
5 Weeks Pregnant
I was anxious. As with any pregnancy, I knew there was a chance it wouldn’t progress. I was also continuing to feel exhausted and some nausea was beginning.
6 Weeks Pregnant
I got to have an ultrasound and bloodwork to confirm the pregnancy was still progressing. It was!
I was also feeling nauseous at least 12 hours a day. All I wanted to do was curl up on the couch, which is not much different than what I usually do, but this time it felt less like a relaxing activity and more like a survival technique.
7 Weeks Pregnant
I spent my days resting and trying to keep up with work while remaining horizontal for as much of the day as possible. I was also so worried I might miscarry. I didn’t have reason to believe I would besides the statistics I read about. I found this chart online they showed your likelihood to miscarry everyday of your pregnancy. I found it comforting to watch the chances go down. I just wanted to make it to 8 weeks.
8 Weeks Pregnant
I got to have another ultrasound! There was only one baby (Thank God because I was not ready to have twins).
The nausea and exhaustion were worse this week than previous weeks. I’d read somewhere that nausea peaks at 9 weeks and starts to get better until it subsides around 12 weeks.
I was also a ravenous beast. My midnight snack was just a second dinner.
9 Weeks Pregnant
Here I was thinking I was growing a baby to give birth to, love, and care for. Unbeknownst to me, the baby’s apparent plan was to suck the life force from me and take over its host, me. I can only assume I will actually be the one to be evicted in 9 months. Where will I go? I still have a few months to figure that out.
10-14 Weeks Pregnant
It was more of the same. I desperately tried everything to feel better: Seabands, Ginger Tea, chewing gum. Initially, feeding the nausea with small meals throughout the day so I wouldn’t have an empty stomach helped.
It was also tough mentally. I’d be nauseous about 12 hours a day but some mornings I would wake up feeling okay. Other mornings, I’d wake up and felt like I’d been hit by a train. I just never knew how the day was going to go. Even on the days that I woke up feeling okay, I knew that wouldn’t last all day so I was just anxiously waiting for the train to hit.
Finally after 14 weeks, I am steadily feeling less nauseous.
Things I’ve Learned While Pregnant
1. There is no shortage of things to feel guilty, incompetent, and inadequate about - It’s like on Friends when Rachel couldn’t find her baby on the ultrasound image and she cried.
(Dr. Long exits and Rachel starts to cry.)
Ross: Pretty amazing huh?
Rachel: I don’t see it!
Ross: What? What?!
Rachel: I can’t see it!
Ross: You-you just said that you did!
Rachel: I know, I lied! I didn’t want her to think I was a terrible mother! I can’t even see my own baby!
Today I’m 15 weeks pregnant and I just saw someone on Instagram (a fashion blogger/first time mom) recommend a book about what to eat throughout pregnancy. And then of course, once you follow a link to Amazon, you are given 5 more recommendations for books. I’ve paid attention to what not to eat, but that’s it. And it doesn’t stop there! It’s not just “Eat this way”, it’s also “exercise like that, sleep like this, feel like that, prepare for baby like this, spend your free time like that, only gain this much weight.” I have to fight the feelings of “Dammit! I’m already screwing this up.”
2. The days are long but the weeks are short - I remember being 5 weeks pregnant thinking I’d never get to 12 weeks, and then when the daily nausea started I thought I’d never make it through a workday nonetheless the workweek. But the time goes by and every Monday I celebrate another weekly milestone.
3. It’s the most natural thing my body has ever done - It’s incredible that, my body does exactly what it’s suppose to do - reallocating resources to the baby, developing the baby’s body parts, making space in my body, and growing a whole new organ. But it’s scary how much my body is changing, how different I feel, and how fast those two things are happening.
4. Without a supportive group of people around me, this would be nearly impossible. Someone to change the cat box for me, bring me juice because that’s what I crave, listen to me vent about all the pregnancy symptoms. Being single means I don’t have a partner next to me, but it doesn’t mean I’m alone.
5. I need a steady stream of shows to binge watch while I can’t leave the couch.
It is the best feeling to have my baby all to myself. I don’t have to share them yet. It’s just the two of us. I have two heartbeats in my body.
I’m so lucky and blessed and grateful. I get to grow a human and raise them and love them for the rest of my life.
